The Jew & Her Goy Boy Part II: What's Jew Got To Do With It?

Don't you just love this movie?

My Big Fat Greek Wedding has always reminded me of Brian and I. You take a guy from a WASP-y mild-mannered, conservative family who falls in love with a girl from a family of loud and crazy Greeks/Jews (po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe), and what do you get?

Well, according to a lot of people: A whole lot of complicated. In fact, that's what many of my close family and friends said when Brian and I first started to get serious. I even wrote about it a few years ago in a relationship column I had in the college newspaper - The Jew and Her Goy Boy (hence, why my post is a Part II).

It's never been a secret that my parents were concerned about me being with someone who wasn't Jewish. Their reservations had nothing to do with Brian, and everything to do with what they were taught to believe.

And it is my understanding that they were taught that relationships are easier when both people practice the same religion, especially when it comes time to raise their children. Now, I don't think that argument is unsound, in fact, it has worked out just great for my parents. They're both Jewish, and they've been very happily married for almost 35 years (their anniversary is 2 days after our wedding).

I just think that their argument doesn't apply to everyone.

It applies to people like the friends of mine who largely define themselves by their faith and who have decided to live their life guided by the principles and practices of their religion.

For them, I think that marrying outside of their religion would definitely complicate things, and I can understand why they choose to only date people who either practice the same religion that they do, or who are willing to convert.

For me, it's different.

I'm proud of where I came from, I'm proud to be Jewish, and I'm proud to celebrate the Jewish holidays and honor the Jewish traditions I grew up with.

But, for me, being a Jew is how I define myself culturally, not religiously.

It may be a common characteristic of my generation, but I don't subscribe to any religion.

I believe in God and I believe in Good. I believe in being loved and giving love, and I believe in always being curious and thoughtful, and not accepting or applying truths to things that I believe are impossible to prove.

And Brian and I have found, through many conversations over our 6 years, that we have come to believe the same thing.

We found a shared understanding that religion never would, and never will, play a significant role in our lives as individuals, as a couple, and later on, as a family.

And when it comes time to raise those future children of ours, we will raise them to be as fascinated by and as skeptical of religion as we are, celebrating Christmas and Easter with Brian's side of the family, and Chanukah, Passover, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur with my side of the family. Wholeheartedly embracing the traditions, but always questioning the meaning behind them.

So, back to how this applies to our wedding...well, really it has everything to do with our wedding.

Because of our beliefs (or lackthereof), it doesn't feel right to either of us to have a religious ceremony - Jewish or otherwise. We want a ceremony that is deep and meaningful, that speaks to us as a couple and the life we share.

It's also been important to me to have an officiant who actually knows us. I've been to weddings where the officiant was given a script of stories to tell about the couple, from the couple. Well, I want someone who can go off book, who doesn't even need a book because they've been there the whole time - watching us, our relationship, and our love grow.

And who better suited to do that than my father?

He actually suggested it when I was bouncing off ideas of possible officiants. He was just joking about it at first, but I wasn't.

I mean what better validation can I get, and what more meaningful sign of approval can Brian have than my dad agreeing to perform the ceremony?

I couldn't be more thrilled.

We'll incorporate some of the Jewish traditions, like breaking the glass and the Hava Nagila, but not because of their religious implications. They just make me smile, and Brian, mensch that he is, embraces those fun Jewish traditions as much as I do.

So, now that my spiel has come to a close, I want to open this one up to the crowd. How do you feel about interfaith marriage? I know many of you have strong opinions about this topic - so speak now or forever hold your peace.

:)