Now, the last thing I want to do is sound ungrateful or unappreciative, and I had reservations about writing this blog in the first place because I didn't want to offend anyone. But sometimes you just have to get your feelings out there, and I figured that posting this might be helpful for commiserating brides and grooms-to-be who have been overwhelmed and upset by the opinions of others when it comes to their wedding.
Idealistic as I may be, I came into the wedding planning process thinking that whatever ideas and decisions we made about our big day (no matter how unconventional) would be met with "oooh's and aaaah's" and "oh, how wonderfuls" from anyone who asked to hear about our flowers, our decor, our food, our venue, the bridesmaids dresses, my jewelry, etc.
But it seems like, during this stage of my life more than any other, everyone has an opinion and nobody is holding back.
When telling people about which colleges I wanted to attend or what jobs I wanted to to apply for (or which man I wanted to marry), they would smile and wish me all the best, wholeheartedly offering their support and love. So am I crazy to believe that with my wedding - something that is so trivial in comparison to all of those important life changers - everyone would do the same and be just as supportive and loving, simply believing that I know what I want and what's best for me?
Ehhh, not so much.
Perhaps the wedding critics are not afraid to hold back because, as a society, nobody has deemed it inappropriate or impolite to discuss your opinions (no matter how negative) about somebody's wedding.
Religion, politics, sex, child-rearing practices are all off limits, but feel free to demean and dismiss my opinions and ideas when it comes to my wedding. Sure, why not tell me how ugly you think the bridemaids dresses are, how you disagree with our desire to have the ceremony in the middle of the dance floor, how I absolutely need to have a chuppah or arch of some sort, or why the heck wouldn't I wear a veil...
I know that religion, politics, sex and child-rearing practices are very personal, very sensitive subjects. Well for me, my wedding is very personal, and I've always been very sensitive (some would argue too sensitive...even my Grandma Essie had to remind me to toughen up), so I can't help but take people's opinions about my wedding to heart.
Of course, I want everyone to enjoy themselves and love this wedding as much as I do - but I'm learning that I can't please everyone, and the even more important thing that I've come to realize is that I don't want to because... it's my wedding biatch!
Women get flack for becoming Bridezillas when it comes to their wedding, well I think it's time to shine the light on the Peoplezillas - the people who think that they are entitled to force their ideas and beliefs about what a wedding should look like onto you and your wedding.
These peoplezillas come in all forms - parents, family members, friends - some of them have some not-so nice things to say, and now I'm saying it's time to shut all the nuptial naysayers up with more of my Grandma Essie's wisdom:
If you have nothing nice to say, don't f'in say it! (Ok, I added the f'in part)
Our wedding may not fit your definition of what a wedding should look like or feel like, but that's why it's ours and not yours, and in the end, as long as Brian and I are happy with how everything turns out, that's all that matters to me.
