Let me preface this post by assuring you that, thankfully, who I am getting married to has nothing to do with my mid-bride crisis. In fact, I think this perplexing period in wedding planning has brought Brian and I closer, and he has become an even stronger source of comfort for me when the shit has hit the frieken fan. And by shit hitting the freiken fan, I am mostly referring to me losing my shit.
So why am I losing my shit? Me, the wedding-obsessed romantic who can't get enough of flowers and cakes and food and dresses? Who was counting the years, months, days and hours until I would get to plan a wedding of my very own?
In a word: MONEY
Now, I knew from the get-go that this was going to cost us a pretty penny, and I also believed from the get-go that I would be willing to spend a pretty penny to throw an awesome wedding filled with the food, flowers and fun that I have been daydreaming about for years.
Well, this may not come as a shock to those who have planned a wedding before, but my willingness to throw a ton of money into ONE DAY has seriously taken a hit.
You know how we originally planned to set our wedding budget at $15K? And for some reason, Brian and I totally thought that it was a realistic number for an event with 170+ guests?
Surprise, surprise we have been humbled yet again by our youthful naïveté, and we have discovered that to throw the kind of wedding we want, it'll cost us about $10K more than our original budget.
As I type this, tears come to my eyes, and trust me I have shed many a tear already as I have asked myself countless times:
Does bride have to equal bankrupt?
It's taken a lot of soul searching for me, and I imagine I will have to continue to soul search to be comfortable spending this amount of money.
I can't tell you how many times in that past two months I have just wanted to throw in the veil (figuratively speaking of course, cause I still don't want to wear one) and just take my husband-to-be to a gorgeous, secluded setting and elope.
But, I know myself, and I know years from now if I have no pictures, no videos, no anecdotes to tell our children about the phenomenal day Brian and I became husband and wife, it would break my heart.
Plus, part of me really just loves weddings too much to deny myself this day that I have been looking forward to - I gotta admit - since before I found a groom.
Fortunately too, we have the best parents, the best family and the best friends who are unwavering in their support and unconditional in their love, who want to help us in any way, shape or form, have a very special day.
We are so lucky and so thankful, and even if we're bankrupt financially at the end of this, we know we'll be richer than ever in our hearts.
There we go, sounds like I'm back to my corny self. Mid-bride crisis, averted! :)
